


Don't Let Me Think Weakly (Though I Know That I Can Break)

by princelogical



Series: Sanders Sides Misc. Work [36]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Crying, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Introspection, Logan angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-30
Updated: 2018-10-30
Packaged: 2019-08-10 22:34:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16463654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princelogical/pseuds/princelogical
Summary: “What did you mean by, ‘you’re lost’?“Virgil sighed deeply, closing his eyes. "I meant a lot of things by it, Logan.”





	Don't Let Me Think Weakly (Though I Know That I Can Break)

Virgil laid across his bed, staring up at the ceiling as he fiddled with the fidget cube Patton had given him earlier. The whole ordeal had been… a lot and it was nice to unwind a little bit after everything. It hurt in some weird and twisting way how much Roman and Logan could remind him of himself. It hurt to see them repressing everything, putting up these elaborate fronts, and hiding. Just like he had.

"Virgil? Are you in there?"

Virgil startled at Logan's voice drifting through his door. He slowly lowered the fidget cube in his hand and then stuffed it in his pocket. He sat up, brushing off his jeans, leaning against the pillows on the top of his bed.

"Yep," Virgil replied. The response was merely silence. Virgil frowned. "Uhm… did you need to come in?"

"May I come in?"

Virgil snorted. "Sure. Shut the door behind you."

It took a couple moments longer than it should have. Then, the doorknob twisted and Logan peeked his head in, expression schooled and blank. He slowly stepped in then shut the door. He stood awkwardly in the doorway then finally adjusted his glasses, crossing his arms.

"Hello."

"Hey. You can like… sit. If you want."

Logan nodded, biting his lip and shifting. Finally, he walked forward and sat at the bottom of Virgil's bed, legs dangling off the side and one hand splaying out over Virgil's purple comforter. He was breathing deeply, chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm. He looked thoughtful as if he was trying to gather up all the information he could before opening his mouth.

Finally, he looked up and met Virgil's eyes. "You made a statement. I did not understand it and I fear that… that I still do not."

"Oh yeah?" Virgil asked softly. "What was it? I can help."

"You said, 'you're lost,' and at first, I, of course, assumed that perhaps you thought I was missing or that you could not find me in some way. But clearly, that was not your intended meaning. And I have thought of it over and over again. I cannot draw a definite conclusion, no matter how hard I try or how long I dwell on it and it is… it is quite cumbersome to have such a- such a-"

"Troubling? Heavy?" Virgil suggested.

"Yes, thank you. It is quite cumbersome to have such a troubling and heavy topic looming over my conscious. What did you mean? What did you mean by, 'you're lost'?"

Virgil sighed deeply, closing his eyes. "I meant a lot of things by it, Logan."

"Could you… tell me some of it, at the least?"

"Do you promise to be willing to listen? And to try to not get mad?”

Logan slowly nodded. "I promise."

"I think… you don't really know who you are anymore. You've put up this logical and unfeeling persona for so long that it feels like… if you don't fit that persona constantly, you just repress it because you don't know how to be anything else. You're scared. You're feeling and you feel more than what you can handle and you don't know what to do with it… you're lost."

"Virgil… I don't. I don't _feel_."

Virgil grit his teeth. "And that, that, what you're doing right now, only further… drives in the whole problem. You're in denial that there's anything in you that needs fixing."

"I do not need _fixing_!" Logan's fists were clenched, eyes hard. "I'm not… I'm not _broken_." Logan's voice wavered and he quickly slapped a hand to his mouth, swallowing convulsively.

Virgil felt his heart twist, softening. Hesitantly, he pushed himself forward on his knees and laid a hand over Logan's knee. "Logan, it's okay to need to work on yourself. It's okay to not be perfect."

"But what am I worth if I do not perform… perfectly?"

Virgil's throat constricted. He wished these things were easy. "You're worth the same. It's impossible for everything to be perfect and neat. You're worth it all the same, okay?"

"I don't. I don't know, Virgil."

"Hey,” Virgil said. Logan slowly met Virgil's eyes. "You're lost. It's okay."

"I am supposed to be logical. I am supposed to be reasonable. I am meant to perform adequately. How am I to do that if I make… mistakes and am lost and-" Logan swallowed again, jerking his eyes away from Virgil and gazing at the wall.

"Logan. It's okay."

Logan was staring down at his hands, eyes filled with unshed tears.

"We're your friends. We're here, even when you're figuring yourself out. And to help when and if we can."  

"I am… afraid, Virgil. And lost."

Virgil took a deep breath. "Change is scary because we get so used to where we are. But sometimes… change can be good. It's good to make changes for the better."

Virgil watched, heart heavy as Logan clenched his eyes shut and tears leaked from both eyes. Logan looked like he was in physical pain. Virgil just scooted closer, grasping both of Logan's hand tightly.

"It's okay, Logan. I'm here. We're all here. You're not alone."

**Author's Note:**

> I have re-watched the video over and over again. It was fabulous. Now, time for some of my specialty. Introspection. I keep replaying the moment where Virgil so softly says, “You’re lost. It’s okay.” to Logan. Here is what I threw together in regards to that.


End file.
